Another Graduation

This time my oldest son. He has graduated from kindergarten. Going into grade one. Was an awesome ceremony and the teacher Mrs. Semley did up a CD of memories that included all of the children, the helpers and buddies. It was so awesome, I'm in it with Damian at the pumpkin patch and the day I went in with the ambulance and our gear.

So I cried, yes me!! My little guy is going into grade one, full days. Big guy stuff!! So a mixture of happiness and being proud of his accomplishments, and sadness that he is growing up so fast. Damn I must have blinked even though I swore I wouldn't. Where did the time go? It seems like yesterday that I held this little boy in my arms thankful we both survived. Wow, then all the firsts. Now here again another one.

HE got a new bike from my parents, mom was crying too, so I had good company!! Took lots of pic's. I am so proud of all that he has done, learning to read, write, math. Making friends and learning about life and respect. I look at him and think, wow my little guy is growing up. So I embrace the happiness, love, sadness and everything else that goes with it. What an amazing child he is.

Teaching

I miss teaching!! Did I ever mention I love being a paramedic. I do.

Hot

Man is it hot out. Sticky muggy!! I may have to start thinking about wearing shorts to the gym. Yikes I hate wearing shorts, but hot damn its hot!! Wow I'll have to see if the Y turns on the air conditioning first.

On another note I went hiking this weekend to the gorge. Its so beautiful there. I love walking through there. The breeze was awesome and it was cool in the shade. I have to get there more often this summer, even if it means going alone. It's too good there not to go way more than I have been. You can't beat that!!

Graduation

Grad is tonight. Have to be there for 6pm. Nervous, a little. This will complete everything, button it up so to speak. Four tickets, Mom, Dad, Damian and Jordy. I'm a dork and a clumsy one at that, so worried about tripping. Deep breath and watch where I am going , should go smoothly. Mixed feelings on this. Excited, relieved, nervous, just want it over, and a little proud that I accomplished this huge task. Long term goal- complete. Now lets wrap it up!!

A small sacrifice

It is the beginning of the weekend. This is the first weekend in a very long time that I don't have to study. Wow, I hardly know what to do!! I am discovering that I have to relearn how to have a normal life. Not one filled with books, studying and stress about passing.

It's hard to believe two years has passed by so quickly. Even more difficult to grasp are the big accomplishments that have been made. Along with many sacrifices. I have to say that although I have made a lot of huge sacrifices over these two years, my family has made some huge ones as well.

My mom has taken a lot of her personal time to open her arms and home to my boys and dog. She has cared for them and helped to raise them in a way that matches what I would do if I were there. It has been a great relief for me that someone that loves them is caring for them when I was trying to accomplish my goals. My father has been there when he could be to help along the way with the boys. A good positive role model for them. He has helped me financially when things have been tough, as well as keeping my head level when I needed it.

My boys have made one of the biggest sacrifices. Their mother. It has been hard to be away from them so much, but they have coped very well. I am sorry for all the times they just wanted to do something really fun that I could not afford or that I had to study instead. They are so excited that they get to go to my Grad Ceremony on Wednesday. My oldest told me that he is proud of me and that I am the smartest ( well next to grandpa!!) and definately the strongest superhero he knows. That put a smile on my face.

I hope that sll the time I spend studying and practising has given them good values. I hope too that all the time I spend in the gym training my mind and body to handle my job and life has also taught them a few things. Many times I wondered if I was doing the right thing, if my timing was right. It has been a long journey, and not an easy one. I have lost touch with many friends, meet some new ones too. My house suffered and I missed a lot of great stuff with my boys.

The pay off is that I'm done. I have helped a lot of people on that road, both on the road and in school. I have kept my feet on the ground and pulled through a tough period in my life. Starting over. I jumped right from leaving a horrible relationship to going to school. As I approach 32 I have finally gotten my life heading in a direction that I am happy with.

Thanks to the support of family and friends. I cannot ever repay them for the support they have given. All the late nights of talking me down and reassuring me that I was on the right path. Thanks guys :D So now on the Grad and a normal life. What ever that is!!

All I can say is now I get to be out on the road helping people, and in a sense helping myself. I have the best job on the planet :D

Two Days Before

I'm sitting here in my apartment alone. Just dropped the boys off to my mom's. Thank You Mom! So Wednesday is the big exam. The nerves are kicking in to high gear. So much rides on this test, all 6 hours of it. This is what I have wanted for so long, dreamed about for many years. So close and very scary. It's not just my future, but the future of my children as well. I hope I can live up to my own expectations.

I have no doubt I will pass ( ok maybe just a little). This is in my blood. It keeps me going, one thing I can always count on. I am a healer through and through, be it physical, mental or emotional. I have a purpose. I've played the role in so many ways... friend, mother, daughter, medic, rebound chick, the open ear and soft shoulder to cry on.

So tomorrow at noon I will head out of town to the lonely hotel room across the street from the testing area. There I will be reviewing and trying to have a little faith in myself, preparing for task ahead. I will go to the gym before I leave, gain some focus and sweat out some of my nerves. It will be hard not having any contact with friends and family while I am there, but I will be in their thoughts. That helps. It is a solitary journey that I make and by 6pm Wednesday, 2 years later now, it will have come to an end. That makes me a little sad. I have not made a plan for what's next, but I'm sure it will come.

Faith in myself, be confident in my knowledge. How can I go wrong with that. Glad I'm going the night before, I am not the best with the whole directional thing, in fact they call me wrong way Feldman. I think I am more nervous about making it there and getting back than anything else. Thank God I can read maps!! Very nervous and scared.

What have I done??

Overwhelmed... getting antsy. What have I done. The big exam is on wednesday, going to saty overnight at a hotel across the street. That way I don't have to panic about getting there on time. 8:30am it begins. What if I fail, no not an option. I am a little afraid. Mostly of the future I think. What's next for Jenn Medic?? Where do I go from here? I'm already starting to feel a little lost. Grad ceremony is next wednesday. Then all is complete. I had a dream that I was walking in a field, just walking and looking for something. I woke up, not sure I ever found what I was looking for either. Maybe I never will, maybe I'm not supposed to. I get so caught up helping other people that I have forgotten that I should look after myself too. Got a rude awakening to that the other night to. Ok study and sleep, perhaps..

Daydreaming again

Raining yet again...good thing I love the rain, though if it keeps up I'll float away. The boys are at their Dad's for the weekend, it is super quiet here. Listening to a Cd that was made for me. Feeling kinda lonely and a little sad. In a good way. First weekend in around 6 months that I have had to myself, not too sure what to do with all the time and quiet. Did some stuff around the house, now thats is done I can study...but I find myself daydreaming and unable to concentrate. Wishing you were here, and understanding why it is not the right time, does make it less. Someday sooner than later perhaps it will fall into place, until then I'll cross my fingers and hope for sooner.

Update

The fish still lives:D and it looks pretty danm good too!! I bought it some fishy medicine to make sure it doesn't get sick :D