Two Days Before

I'm sitting here in my apartment alone. Just dropped the boys off to my mom's. Thank You Mom! So Wednesday is the big exam. The nerves are kicking in to high gear. So much rides on this test, all 6 hours of it. This is what I have wanted for so long, dreamed about for many years. So close and very scary. It's not just my future, but the future of my children as well. I hope I can live up to my own expectations.

I have no doubt I will pass ( ok maybe just a little). This is in my blood. It keeps me going, one thing I can always count on. I am a healer through and through, be it physical, mental or emotional. I have a purpose. I've played the role in so many ways... friend, mother, daughter, medic, rebound chick, the open ear and soft shoulder to cry on.

So tomorrow at noon I will head out of town to the lonely hotel room across the street from the testing area. There I will be reviewing and trying to have a little faith in myself, preparing for task ahead. I will go to the gym before I leave, gain some focus and sweat out some of my nerves. It will be hard not having any contact with friends and family while I am there, but I will be in their thoughts. That helps. It is a solitary journey that I make and by 6pm Wednesday, 2 years later now, it will have come to an end. That makes me a little sad. I have not made a plan for what's next, but I'm sure it will come.

Faith in myself, be confident in my knowledge. How can I go wrong with that. Glad I'm going the night before, I am not the best with the whole directional thing, in fact they call me wrong way Feldman. I think I am more nervous about making it there and getting back than anything else. Thank God I can read maps!! Very nervous and scared.